Yes, I also thought of how it kind of looks like a very small man holding an ipod touch
So, am I doing gadgets now? Well, I did see this thing about the new apple joint doing the rounds earlier, and not that I’d usually step on anyone elses toes, but fuck it, whassup now, coolmaterial? That’s right, you blueball me just because I live 3000 miles too far away, well now I’m stepping all over your shit.
The iphone is a phenomenal piece of kit, isn’t it? I mean, it does bloody everything, it looks good, and of course it’s ridiculously easy to use. I don’t have one though, because really, I don’t care that much. I’d totally buy one if I was a 15-year-old girl, as that particular section of society seem to view phone credit and musical ringtones as some kind of precious commodities, hence their desire to buy up every trace of them, should they become scarce in the future or whatever. For somebody like that, paying €60 per month for an iphone is small potatoes, however I can only speak for myself when I say that I spend nowhere near that much, also I have a laptop, so I’m pretty much sorted internet-wise.
Not that I was totally impervious to the sexy allure of the trendy hipster gadget du jour, I was all about getting one before Christmas, but then I kind of lost interest, still, I wouldn’t mind one, but I certainly don’t have to have one. I’ve had the same phone for nearly three years, and I couldn’t be happier with my touchscreen-less, music-less, internet-less little beaut. I haven’t bought a games console since the Nintendo Gamecube I picked up sometime in 2001, which I’ve long since given away.
I should also mention that I have in my lifetime owned three ipods, one of which lasted a whole four months before being left in the pub. Basically I think what I’ve ended up doing here is explain at length why I shouldn’t be writing about Apple’s new “ipad” tablet computer thing. Though I suppose it’s entirely possible that hearing from the perspective of someone who places almost no value on such things could turn out to be something pretty special, though it’s much more likely that I’ll end up losing track of what I was saying, forget the point I was trying to make and subsequently give up. If you’ve been here before, you know the drill by now.
Anyway, so Apple head honcho Steve Jobs unveiled the unfortunately named “ipad” in San Francisco yesterday, much to the delight of people who like that sort of thing. Essentially it’s what would, and evidently did happen when the ipod touch and the macbook made a baby. It looks like a giant ipod, has a 9.7″ touchscreen and some other boring stuff which I shall place into a block quote as I cannot be bothered to comment on any of it;
- Weighs 1.5 lbs (which means absolutely nothing to anyone outside of the colonies)
- Thickness a mere 1/2″
- Models will feature between 16GB & 64GB of storage space
- 10 hours of battery life
- 9.7″ IPS display.
Apparently the operating system will resemble a touchscreen version of the macOS system, rather than the software featured on the iphone and ipod touch. The ipad also features a full keyboard function with the option of attaching an ordinary keyboard, y’know, in case you want to negate the entire reason for having an ipad in the first place. I must admit this thing looks pretty awesome, as does everything apple produces, but I promise I shall eat my hat if that thing stays alive for ten hours.
Anyone who’s ever been in a college library so packed they couldn’t gain access to a power point will know that the true battery life of the average laptop is around six minutes, not quite the two hours usually claimed by most manufacturers, so I’m a little skeptical about that claim. But then again, Jobs has described the ipad as a “magical and revolutionary device”, so who knows what kind of moonbeams and pixie dust he’s got powering these things.
Cool and all as the ipad is, the technology they’ve employed isn’t new. And while apple has no-doubt improved it greatly, the fact is that tablet computers have been around for about ten years now, and they’ve never caught on. Really, I don’t even know why I just typed that, because I’ll just look like an idiot when this thing sells like Avatar tickets when it arrives on Irish shores this summer.For those of you so-inclined, the basic model will go on sale for around €356, which, for an apple product is incredibly affordable, I might even pick one up myself. Probably not though.
Hey, did you notice that not once did I refer to female hygiene products during this post? I only mention it because, y’know, ipad? Come on, you know what I’m talking about, right? “ipad”? I mean, it’s a pretty obvious gag, I wasn’t going to mention it, but I just knew I’d totally kick myself if I didn’t and you read it somewhere else and thought; “hey, this guy’s pretty funny, not like that chessclubparty asshole, he’s such a dick, how could he not see that gag”. Well, I did see it. Honestly, I just want you to love me.
